Full-time moms face barriers when returning to work

After her 6-year-old daughter started primary school, stay-at-home mom Wan Linlin finally landed a sales position at an apparel wholesale market in Nanshan District in September. Although her new job isn’t as professionally promising as her previous position as an accountant, Wan is happy with it for a simple reason — her workplace is close to her home, which allows her to avoid long commutes and spend more time caring for her daughter.

A young mother looks on as her daughter climbs up to the belly of the colossal crab installation in the Shenzhen Talent Park Phase II in Nanshan District on Monday morning. Wei Jie

Before becoming a full-time mother shortly after giving birth, Wan, now 34, worked as an accountant at a high-tech firm in Nanshan. However, after a six-year break from the labor market, she found it “mission impossible” to secure a job in her field. “Most employers prefer staff under 30 years old. Some worry that I might frequently ask for leave because of my young child,” Wan said of her job hunting experience before landing the sales position.

Work-family balance ‘too much to ask for’

For many stay-at-home mothers reentering the workforce, like Wan, finding a job that allows them the flexibility to care for their children is a top priority. In Chinese society, mothers are typically the primary caregivers, so having the ability to engage in activities like dropping off and picking up their kids from school is highly valued. However, this one requirement is often “too much to ask for” when job hunting.

Zhou Lixia had to turn down a job offer she received after nearly one year of searching because she would be required to work much later than she expected, making it impossible for her to pick up her child from kindergarten. Zhou shared, “I will never forget what the recruiting manager said to me after I explained my reason — ‘Such jobs are only available in your dreams.’”

An image illustrates the effort that mothers need to make in work-family balancing. File photo

Unless she had someone completely trustworthy to help share the responsibilities of caring for her child, Zhou said, “my career always comes second to my child, at least at this stage.”

Some people are less sympathetic to the unique needs of mothers and agree more with the sentiment of the recruiting manager. “There are so many young people who can’t find a decent job. If I were a boss, why would I hire somebody who refuses to work overtime when required or has to leave early to pick up their kid?” said a freelancer who prefers to be identified only by her family name Luo.

Returning to job market no easy task

Even for full-time mothers with older children, reentering the workforce is no easy task. Lin Lai, now in her mid-40s, has been freelancing for several years after multiple unsuccessful attempts to secure a traditional job. She became a stay-at-home mom when her daughter was diagnosed with emotional difficulties at the age of 9. “The doctors told us that our daughter needed quality companionship to address her emotional challenges before things spiraled out of control,” said Lin.

Mothers and their children play in the sand in the park. File photo

Out of respect for her daughter’s privacy, Lin shared only that her daughter had struggled with prolonged unhappiness, sleep issues, and eating difficulties. Concerned that her daughter might suffer from depression — a condition increasingly affecting primary and secondary school students — Lin left her job at a property management company to focus entirely on her daughter, while her husband assumed the role of sole breadwinner.

Four years ago, when her daughter’s condition showed signs of full recovery after years of treatment and support, Lin wanted to return to work. “On one hand, family finances were a concern. On the other, I felt that I couldn’t stay out of work forever or I would start to feel useless,” she explained.

Lin graduated with a degree in economics from one of China’s top universities in 2002 and had climbed the corporate ladder within a real estate company before becoming a full-time mom. She sent out dozens of resumes. Most went unanswered even though she was more flexible with work hours than many other mothers who sought early-afternoon positions to accommodate school pickups.

After several months of unsuccessful job hunting, Lin had to transition to freelance work, including selling online training courses like extracurricular English classes for students. “The work is not stable. Sometimes I get really busy and the income is quite good, but other times I barely make ends meet without my husband’s income,” she said.

Age hurdle

Lin has left the workforce to be a stay-at-home mom twice. The first time, she left her managerial position at a real estate company, where she had worked since graduating from university, after becoming pregnant in 2009. She returned to work at a property management company within two years, when her child was 8 months old.

“It wasn’t that difficult to land a decent job the last time, considering I was well below 35 — the age threshold below which one is considered an asset in human resources,” said Lin. She seemed satisfied with her new role at the property management company, even though it didn’t compare to her previous job, particularly in terms of salary.

A mother and her child watch birds at Shenzhen Talent Park on Monday morning. Wei Jie

However, it was a totally different story for Lin when she reentered the job market a second time. By then, she was already in her early 40s, an age that is no longer considered an asset. In addition, Lin had been “disconnected” from society for several years. Age discrimination, especially against women aged 35 and above, is rather common.

Yao Juanjuan, also in her mid-40s, has been a full-time mom for nearly two decades. She started searching for a job after her son enrolled in a university last year, but was unsuccessful. She opened an account on Xiaohongshu, the Chinese version of Instagram, to document her job hunting experience. Although her Xiaohongshu account has fewer than 50 followers, one of her posts, titled “Mid-age mom seeks a job: Efforts sink without a trace,” garnered 801 comments and 253 likes, while the cumulative likes on her other posts total only 288.

“I guess this particular post resonates with many women who have similar experiences,” said Yao, adding that she is considering opening her own made-to-order bakery — a skill many full-time mothers have picked up.

Entry-level jobs

The recruiting manager may come off as harsh when saying, “such jobs are only available in your dreams,” but the reality is that positions allowing employees to balance work and family responsibilities are extremely rare. As a result, an increasing number of stay-at-home mothers are turning to entry-level jobs with relatively flexible hours, such as part-time convenience store clerks, shop assistants at supermarkets and bakeries, and delivery sorters.

One of Wan’s friends, also a full-time mother living in the same residential complex, now works part-time at a hamburger store from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., a schedule she finds ideal. “The work hours are perfect — I can manage drop-off and pick-up for my child, as he has his noon break at school,” she explained, speaking on the condition of anonymity.

She said she had a hard time coming to terms with the reality that, as a university graduate, she was doing work suitable for someone with just a junior high school education. After struggling for a while, she accepted her situation. “Whatever job I have, it’s better than doing the tedious housework that is often neglected by my family members,” she said.

Trying hard to stay connected to society

According to statistics in Ann Oakley’s “The Sociology of Housework,” housewives work an average of 77 hours a week — five hours more than China’s well-known “996” work culture (9 a.m. to 9 p.m., six days a week). Some of the busiest housewives work up to 105 hours a week, Oakley notes. The book is featured on the official portal of the Beijing Municipal Government, which highlights that “nine out of 10 non-working women are housewives, yet seven out of 10 working women are housewives too.”

Household chores, such as tidying up children’s toys, playing with little ones, preparing food, and cleaning up a greasy kitchen, are tedious, dull, and repetitive — leaving many women feeling that there is no end in sight. The situation is made worse by the fact that the hard work of stay-at-home mothers is often overlooked by family members, simply because these tasks seem to require no specialized skills and do not generate direct economic benefits.

“That’s also why I decided to take up the clothing sales role at the wholesale market,” said Wan. “I didn’t feel like I had received the respect I deserve in the family after being a full-time mom for a couple of years, even though my husband and I agreed on this arrangement.” Wan started looking for a job right after the Spring Festival holiday in February, well ahead of her daughter entering school. “I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t expect it to be so hard.” It took Wan nearly seven months to secure the position.

Another concern that adds to some full-time mothers’ anxiety is the fear of being abandoned by society when their children grow up and no longer need their care. “I feel like I’ve lost the ability to sustain my own life after being a stay-at-home mom for more than a decade,” said Feng Qing, who worked as an architect before getting married.

Feng, whose eldest son is now a junior high school student while her two younger children are in primary school, said that her desire to work became particularly strong last year. She shared, “I feel disconnected from society, especially when I am alone at home while my children are at school.” However, the mother of three acknowledged that she can’t simply accept any job. “My husband has been very supportive of me all these years. He wants me to do something I truly like.”

Feng thought of investing in a hotpot restaurant or a floral shop with some friends. However, after conducting market research, they weren’t optimistic about the investment returns and decided to postpone the venture. She said she’s been keeping an eye out for a suitable investment project so that she can start her own business.